My Father Hates Dead Beats...

My Father Hates Dead Beats – So Why Doesn’t he Hate Himself?

Fore note:  Before I get into talking about my deadbeat father I just want to take a moment to apologize to my fans… all three of them; along with a possible small group of somewhat interested parties.  I have been MIA for many months and I am sorry.  Many months ago the woman that I thought I was destined to spend the rest of my life with, the woman I dedicated my book to, decided that she needed something and possibly someone else in her life.  After 24 years of dating and 17 years of marriage, 3 beautiful children, 4 states, dozens of pets, many failures and just as many successes, it was over in a heartbeat.  I was devastated and have been struggling with it since.  I have forgotten everything else in my life and have even struggled at work; inflicted with multiple emotional breakdowns in front of fellow colleagues.  My desire to write, blog and bitch about patients has seemed trivial.  And it still is, but recently I have been coming to terms with my new fate.  It may not be the life I thought I was going to live, wanted to live, but it is what I have been dealt and I need to do what I tell my kids and want to tell my patients everyday… Suck it up! Walk it off!  Rub some dirt in it!... I have whined like a little bitch and it’s time to man up!  Time will tell what I have truly lost.  Maybe she has been right along that we will be better off as co-parents than lovers.  Maybe my dreams of trips to Florence, Paris and Madrid, along with another vacation or two on a nude beach, wasn’t meant to be spent with her.  Maybe there is someone else more compatible with me?  After more than two decades I have to admit that it is difficult to see a future otherwise, but maybe in time I will have the distance and the objectivity to see a future bright with hope, happiness and love.  Sorry to sound so corny and even more sorry to use the word ‘corny’.  I would just like to say that hopefully my cynical, jaded hard ass is back.  Enjoy my bitching and I encourage any intelligent, sarcastic wit thrown back, even if it is in my face.  “Welcome back Mr. Cotter,” you nasal bitch!

  

            Okay, so back to the title of my blog which I am sure you forgot by now.  To remind you, I said that I believe my father to be a dead beat.  So now that I have insulted my dad, let me go on record and explain that I do not believe my father to be a dead beat.  Actually, he is a baby boomer that worked and contributed to society for 40 years.  He worked various jobs, and finally found a career in the criminal justice field.  I will not detail which aspect of the criminal system tortured him for over 20 years, because they all suck after a few years.  After the new job smell wears off, you come to the realization that you are going to deal with shit for the rest of your professional life, and reality begins to suck.  Anyone who sacrifices their life in law enforcement has my respect.

          My dad and I were driving back from the store and somehow our conversation became political.  When it comes to politics we do not see eye to eye.  He began to bitch.  He complained about a friend of the family whose son ‘fried his brain on drugs’ when he was younger and is now on government disability.  He was in his late 30’s and had not worked a legitimate day in his life.  He never paid in to the system that was now supporting him.  He is on disability and receives a check for $744.00 a month from Uncle Sam.  From that he has to pay $224.00 for his HUD housing rent.  He gets a free cell phone with 250 minutes a month.  And the biggest rub for my dad is that he gets free healthcare thanks to ‘ObamaCare’.  With regards to his last point, I made it clear that our family friend’s son has been receiving health benefits long before evil Obama ever ran for President; a fact that he cared to ignore.  

          My father went on to explain that it wasn’t fair that hard working tax payers have to pay to support a ‘dead beat’. Why should ‘we’ have to take care of a man who essentially remains a child and is now a permanent ‘burden’ on the system?  No one forced him to take drugs and make the decisions he choose.  Why is society paying the price for his mistakes?   

          In my opinion he had a legitimate gripe.  I work my ass off, so much so that it was one of the reasons my ex-wife was unhappy.  I pay taxes.  I don’t get free anything.  I actually found myself agreeing with my father, but soon reality returned with my very next set of questions.

             I asked how far should society should go to take care of or even discard the well being of its fellow citizens?  I asked about the triple cardiac bypass surgery he needed.  He paused, more out of shock that even asked the question.  He worked hard and paid taxes for over 30 years, so of course he deserved the surgery, even though his financial contribution to the overall cost was nominal.  I again told him I agreed with him.  He then went on to tell me that his friend who lives in a country that has a socialized healthcare system, needed bypass surgery.  His friend actually paid nothing but was told that if he ever needed a second surgery the bill was on him.  My father was appalled but I thought that was a fair deal.  My dad was upset that I even suggested such an idea.  I asked him why. 

          He went on to explain that like him, his friend worked hard and gave back to society and he deserves whatever care he needs.  I then asked him how he lived.  My suspicions were correct.  Like my father his friend was overweight.  He ate poorly, did not exercise, smoked for years and didn’t seem to care about the potential long term consequences that such lifestyle choices can cause.  I then went on to ask him where is the difference between such poor choices that he and his friend choose and the poor choices that the ‘dead beat’ chose?  Both of which lead to a significant financial burden on society.  The difference was my father and his friend’s bad decisions took a little longer to catch up with them and society, but in the end they did all the same.  My dad obviously disagreed.

          I went on to explain that I do believe that his surgery expenses should have been covered by society because of the fact that he did contribute for decades to care for those before him.  I also explained that I agree with his friends’ government that if his friend fails to change his choices and ruins his new heart like he did his first one, then too bad for him.  The next round should be on him.  At some point he and my father need to take responsibly for their choices and stop looking for a handout.

          After further debate I was not surprised that he still disagreed with me, but he also wasn’t bitching about the ‘dead beat’ that much any longer.  In fact he hasn’t brought him up since. 

                                                 

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I Give the Republicans Credit

I am a registered Independent.  Why is that?  Is it because I am a radical who refuses to side himself with any institution of authority?  In truth, I am too old for that shit.  Am I afraid of commitment and unwilling to deal with the marital strife that is inevitable in any long term relationship?  I have been with my wife for over 20 years.  And remember, there is always make up sex (I just got an image of Harry Reid and Paul Ryan spooning – damn my imagination!)  Am I afraid of losing?  The independent party is one of the most unsuccessful organizations of government that has existed to this date.

          So… if I am not a radical, I am willing to commit and I am not afraid of getting my ass kicked in a fight, then why do I refuse to align myself with either of the two political monopolies that are running, and ultimately ruining this country?

          This answer is simple.  It is because I am a sensible, rational and intelligent individual who realizes that I am only one of over 250 million Americans in this country.  I not only understand, but I embrace the idea that I am not going to agree with everyone who lives in this country on every issue.  My neighbor and I may both agree with increasing funding for our local school system, but be at opposite ends regarding the gun control issue.  He is still my neighbor and overall a nice guy and my friend. 

          We all come from different backgrounds.  We have all lived a life very different from one another, with different life experiences.  This will obviously have a major impact on who we are and what we believe in.  I even find my ideals very different from the young man that I was 20 years ago.  I currently hold very different social and political view points than I did back then.  What a stupid ass I was!  My point is simply that we are all very different people, with different opinions and beliefs, yet we are all Americans.  I hope that we could even extend this idea globally and say that we are all human beings, but small steps are how growth and success is achieved.  However, currently this nation and its political parties, especially the republicans are, are in full retreat.  Progress has been replaced by regression.

          I give the Republican Party credit.  It is not easy being a constant asshole.  Trust me – I know.  I am an asshole.  My own family constantly tells me I am, followed by hugs and kisses.  However, in recent years I have no ‘X’s’ and ‘O’s’ for my elected republican representatives.  In fact, since I wrote my book and have been trying to feverishly promote it for the past 3 months, I have been an even bigger ass and found myself exhausted.  I have not written a thing, tweeted or booked my face for the past month, simply because I got tired of being a jackass all the time.  And that is coming from a jackass.

          So I have to at least admire the Republican Party of today only for the fact that for the past 5 years they have been nothing but obstructionist assholes, fabricating bullshit excuses to reject every plan put forth by anybody but themselves.  They continue to do this despite the fact that all polls show majority of Americans support for issues such as responsible gun control laws (although Democrats are not doing a good job either), higher taxation for the wealthy, reduction in corporate tax loop holes, reasonable regulation of big business, especially banks, reduction of our military spending, support for our education system, rebuilding our infrastructure and for the party that is bent on minimizing government and allowing people to live their lives free from big brother watching, get the fuck out of the bedroom and let gay people marry!  Who gives a shit what two consenting adults do in the privacy of their own home!  They’re not going to storm into your house and force you to watch.  It is not going to turn anyone that does not want to, to their ‘dark side’.  Let people live their lives with whomever they wish and everyone else stay out of it!  We gave civil liberties to blacks and women because it was the moral thing to do, and that is what a moral society does.  We are failing our fellow Americans by not extending to them the rights we hold so dear for ourselves, and that is just being a fucking hypocrite.  Republicans can take solace in the fact that if hardworking gay Americans are allowed to marry, think of all the lower taxes they will have to pay when they file jointly. 

          So, in conclusion, my only advice to the current Republican Party is to take some time off from being complete jackasses.  Try cooperating with others who think outside your box, especially when they represent the majority of the nation.  Experiment with the concept of compromise and smile sometimes, instead of crying.  Trust me, you may actually feel better about yourselves and maybe even return to a value system that I used to respect.  Keep walking down the path your taking and it won’t be long until you become an endangered species.  Then you’ll be crying to the Government for protection.  

Buy Niam Hew's new book MediSin NOW!

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Goodnight Mommy

          “Goodnight sweetheart.  I’ll see you in the morning,” I overheard my wife whisper to our daughter as she tucked her into bed.  We have said this to all of our children countless times over the years, but that night it felt a little more special.  I had just gotten home from work.  I work in the emergency room and it was not a good day.  We said our goodbyes to a 19 year old woman; a mother of a 2 year old daughter.  A child that will grow up and never know the comfort of being tucked in by her Mommy.  A little girl who will never hear those simple yet beautiful words, “Goodnight sweetheart.  I’ll see you in the morning.”

            What made this tragedy so bitter was the cause of this woman’s death.  There was no medical reason.  She did not suffer from a disease.  She did not have a congenital disorder that caused her death.  She fell victim to the leading cause of death to young people in this country – accidents.  It wasn’t even an accident that was her fault or even the fault of the people she was with.  In other words, she did absolutely nothing wrong.  She was completely innocent, yet she had been forced to suffer the ultimate sacrifice and her child the ultimate loss. 

            This young mother was involved in a car accident (MVC). She was the front passenger, while her mother was driving and her daughter was strapped in her car seat in the back seat.  They were on their way to buy clothes for their little girl.  Something my wife and mother have done many times in the past.  Instead of having a special day with a daughter and granddaughter, it turned into a nightmare.  While waiting to make a left hand turn they were suddenly struck from behind.  It is estimated that the driver was traveling around 80 mph.  The speed limit was only 35.  Pictures of the vehicle clearly show the violence of the impact.  The whole back half of the vehicle was destroyed, and the car was thrown over 100 feet through the intersection.  Grandma was unconscious at the scene and ultimately sustained a serious concussion.  Baby was screaming when helped arrived and was air-lifted to a trauma center.  We were told that she sustained a leg fracture but was otherwise okay.  Mom was DOA at the scene.  EMS immediately got to work to bring her back.  She arrived in our ER pale and lifeless with strangers all around her trying to save her life.  We continued the effort.  By the time we gave up trying to do the impossible, the young mother had tubes coming out of her mouth, both sides of her chest, IV’s in both her arms, her neck and even drilled into the bone of her leg.  She did not go in peace.

            After helping to fight the good fight I had to resume my duties and continue helping others.  Unfortunately, my next patient was the gentleman who caused the accident. 

            Years ago they re-named car accidents in the medical field.  They used to be called ‘motor vehicle accidents’ (mva), however the powers to be felt that there truly were no accidents.  There was always a cause, and with our never ending need to finger point in this country, they were re-classified as ‘motor vehicle collisions’ (mvc).  I always had an issue with this.  I felt it represented what is making this country sick; the need to blame and punish, while being politically correct.  I see their argument.  There is always human error in every car accident, but it doesn’t mean that those who were at fault need to be sentenced by society.  Sometimes bad shit happens, caused by good people.  That’s life.  We don’t always need to play the victim.

            With that said, there are those accidents that truly were avoidable and punishment needs to be delivered.  This is one of those times.  The asshole that lay before me that day told me, “I must have passed out.”  He did not know why he fainted while driving his car.  He did not have a history of seizures.  He never passed out before.  He did not have a heart attack.  The answer is one that I have seen before, and mentioned in my book ‘MediSin’ when another mother was taken away from her children.  He was taking high doses of multiple prescription pain and anxiety medications.  Highly addictive medications, prescribed by his physician, pushed by drug companies, regulated by the government, tolerated by society and enjoyed by millions.  He had been taking them for years for bullshit reasons (such as “advanced osteoarthritis” and the debilitating “fibromyalgia”) and simply became addicted to them like every other drug addict, but his addiction was “legal”.  His addiction finally caught up to him that day, and unfortunately stole the life of a young mother and robbed her daughter of a life with her Mommy. 

            What was harder to hear, was this drug addict had no remorse.  He didn’t care that he just killed someone.  He didn’t care that an entire family has been torn apart and their lives forever altered.  He kept saying that he had prescriptions and he was taking them like his doctors were telling him.  He began to cry when he found out that he was going to prison, because this was the second time he hurt someone while driving when he shouldn’t have been.  He tried to escape from the hospital after he found out his life was going to be forever behind bars.  I am sure the dead mother in the room next to him would have gladly changed places with him if given the chance. 

            The threshold for the use and ultimately abuse of prescription medications, whether they are taken for physical or mental ‘pain’ is so low that we are literally killing ourselves in this country.  If you fracture your arm, take a Vicodin or two if the Tylenol isn’t enough; but if you sprain your ankle, put some ice on it, take some Motrin and suck it up America.  Seventy five percent of the narcotic pain medications taken in the world are popped by us. If you lose your child in a horrific accident and need some Xanax to get you through the grieving process, that is understandable, but don’t claim to me that you have PTSD because your dog died 10 years ago and you need daily Ativan to get you through your day.  When did we become so weak minded and unable to cope with any sort of pain?   We are ‘a society of drug addicts’ as well as ‘a society of enablers’.  Two chapters that are at the center of my book.  This inability to cope with reality is central to the disease that is weakening this country and killing us all; sometimes one mother at a time.      

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If I won the lottery I would NOT quit my job

A few months ago I played the lottery.  I usually don’t waste my money, but it was over a half a billion dollars, so I forgot logic and sanity and gambled ten bucks on the virtually improbable dream of winning it big.  I don’t know why a half a billion suddenly made me do such a stupid thing, but a measly $100 million is never worth my time.  I guess the whole thing doesn’t make any sense.

            However, I was at work before the drawing and all my colleagues were standing around daydreaming and sharing with one another what they would do if they suddenly found themselves a few hundred million dollars richer overnight.  I heard everything from traveling the world, having homes in exotic locations, shopping sprees of the rich and famous, sizable donations to charities and research organizations, even randomly giving away million dollar checks to strangers.  Everyone had different dreams, however the one thing they all agreed on is they would quit their job immediately.  I was quiet until someone asked me what I would do.  I told them I was not sure, but I do know that I would not quit my job.  They all looked at me in disbelief and asked me if I was crazy.  I simply smiled at them and told them that I would not quit my job, but I was positive that I would be fired before the day was through. 

            I am a Physician Assistant (PA) and have been working in the Emergency Room for almost a decade and a half.  I was told that the average life span of an ER employee is 7 years.  I have doubled that lifespan and unfortunately I see no end in sight.  Many probably think that 7 years is the time it takes most people to burn out due to the stress and anxiety of the nature of the job.  Life and death struggles, even with children.  I am sad to say that you win some and lose some.  The death of a child is never taken well, and I mention in my book MediSin that a small piece of us dies with the child when we are unable to save his or her life.  It’s harsh, but such emotional stress is not the reason for such a short ER life span.  Even the physical stress of working long hours, typically 12 hour days, with no set breaks and overbearing patient loads that in other hospital departments are considered illegal, causes ER personnel to relocate at such a young age in their professional career.  Even though these stresses are real, I am certain that the real reason nurses, doctors and PA’s get out of emergency medicine is simply because our patients are fat, lazy, careless pain in the asses who are afflicted with an entitlement disease and express little to no gratitude for the efforts of those trying to provide them healthcare in their ‘time of need’.  Over 99% of patients that plague the ER are in no way true medical emergencies and by all rights should not waste our time, limited resources and often taxpayer money on bullshit diagnoses. 

The American people treat themselves like shit, abuse their bodies and then run to the ER for every little hangnail and sniffle, convinced that they are suffering from a medical emergency that needs immediate intervention or else they may blow their brains out the next time they sneeze.  After 50,000 patients, I have probably seen less than 500 true medical emergencies, and that is being generous.  The rest have been varying degrees of being ‘ill’.  With the majority of those being WIMME bastards (reference from the book MediSin) and nothing more than symbolic sniffle.  “Sir, you have a boo-boo, and I will write you a Rx for someone to kiss it and make it better.  Thank you for wasting our time in the emergency room today.”

            So if I ever become financially secure, whether it is from winning the lottery, discovering an inheritance from a rich relative that I never knew existed, or the most likely scenario in which I continue to work hard in the ER for another 20+ years (what a nauseating thought) listening to complete bullshit everyday and save for retirement, that is the day that my dream comes true and I can tell all these self centered, lazy, pain in the asses what I truly think of them.  They will get a healthy dose of the truth, and that truth shall set me free.

Amen!!!         

Buy Niam Hew's new book MediSin NOW!

Paperback & E-Book available at Amazon
E-Book also available at Smashwords (Kindle users visit Amazon.com)