If I won the lottery I would NOT quit my job

A few months ago I played the lottery.  I usually don’t waste my money, but it was over a half a billion dollars, so I forgot logic and sanity and gambled ten bucks on the virtually improbable dream of winning it big.  I don’t know why a half a billion suddenly made me do such a stupid thing, but a measly $100 million is never worth my time.  I guess the whole thing doesn’t make any sense.

            However, I was at work before the drawing and all my colleagues were standing around daydreaming and sharing with one another what they would do if they suddenly found themselves a few hundred million dollars richer overnight.  I heard everything from traveling the world, having homes in exotic locations, shopping sprees of the rich and famous, sizable donations to charities and research organizations, even randomly giving away million dollar checks to strangers.  Everyone had different dreams, however the one thing they all agreed on is they would quit their job immediately.  I was quiet until someone asked me what I would do.  I told them I was not sure, but I do know that I would not quit my job.  They all looked at me in disbelief and asked me if I was crazy.  I simply smiled at them and told them that I would not quit my job, but I was positive that I would be fired before the day was through. 

            I am a Physician Assistant (PA) and have been working in the Emergency Room for almost a decade and a half.  I was told that the average life span of an ER employee is 7 years.  I have doubled that lifespan and unfortunately I see no end in sight.  Many probably think that 7 years is the time it takes most people to burn out due to the stress and anxiety of the nature of the job.  Life and death struggles, even with children.  I am sad to say that you win some and lose some.  The death of a child is never taken well, and I mention in my book MediSin that a small piece of us dies with the child when we are unable to save his or her life.  It’s harsh, but such emotional stress is not the reason for such a short ER life span.  Even the physical stress of working long hours, typically 12 hour days, with no set breaks and overbearing patient loads that in other hospital departments are considered illegal, causes ER personnel to relocate at such a young age in their professional career.  Even though these stresses are real, I am certain that the real reason nurses, doctors and PA’s get out of emergency medicine is simply because our patients are fat, lazy, careless pain in the asses who are afflicted with an entitlement disease and express little to no gratitude for the efforts of those trying to provide them healthcare in their ‘time of need’.  Over 99% of patients that plague the ER are in no way true medical emergencies and by all rights should not waste our time, limited resources and often taxpayer money on bullshit diagnoses. 

The American people treat themselves like shit, abuse their bodies and then run to the ER for every little hangnail and sniffle, convinced that they are suffering from a medical emergency that needs immediate intervention or else they may blow their brains out the next time they sneeze.  After 50,000 patients, I have probably seen less than 500 true medical emergencies, and that is being generous.  The rest have been varying degrees of being ‘ill’.  With the majority of those being WIMME bastards (reference from the book MediSin) and nothing more than symbolic sniffle.  “Sir, you have a boo-boo, and I will write you a Rx for someone to kiss it and make it better.  Thank you for wasting our time in the emergency room today.”

            So if I ever become financially secure, whether it is from winning the lottery, discovering an inheritance from a rich relative that I never knew existed, or the most likely scenario in which I continue to work hard in the ER for another 20+ years (what a nauseating thought) listening to complete bullshit everyday and save for retirement, that is the day that my dream comes true and I can tell all these self centered, lazy, pain in the asses what I truly think of them.  They will get a healthy dose of the truth, and that truth shall set me free.

Amen!!!         

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Holy Fatman Robin

The following is an excerpt from “Another dose of MediSin”.  Sequel to “MediSin”.  Hopefully terrorizing readers in the near future.  My apologies - Niam Hew

                I have been practicing medicine for over 15 years.  In that time I have had to bear witness to some horrific things.  I have witnessed a child die, a mother grieve with a pain that I hope I never have to feel, patients brought into my ER shot, stabbed, eviscerated and dripping particular matter (brain) out of their ears and noses after falling off a three story building.  In every case I have dealt with such horror with unbiased reservation.  I controlled my emotions and passed no judgment, even when a gentleman tried to explain how an Aqua Velva bottle found its way up his ass. 

                My tenure has been filled with laughter, sorrow and fright that most people would find hard to imagine.  However, the other day I witnessed something that completely disgusted me beyond anything I have ever seen within my emergency room.  In all my years I have never seen something more horrifying as a 4 foot wide wheelchair.  As I was walking down the hospital hallway, I watched a nurse suffer as she pushed this Winnebago of wheelchairs towards the elevator after dropping a patient off.  It barely fit though the elevator doors.

                Why is this so horrifying?  Because a decade and a half ago, such a contraption did not exist.  It was never even thought of.  As time has passed, I have seen wheelchairs grow bigger and bigger, as our asses have become wider and wider.  Fat Ass Syndrome (FAS) is beyond a simple epidemic in this country.  Two out of every three adult Americans are overweight, while over 1/3 (35.7%) are obese.  According to the CDC every state has at least a 20% obesity rate.  Since we have slashed our education budget I will help with the math.  It means that 1 out of every 5 people are obese (this does not include overweight people).  Thirty-six states have at least a 25% obesity rate (that’s one in four).  Why should we all care, even the skinny ones?  Because the reality is, with those statistics, we all know someone we care about who has a weight problem.  Not to mention the healthcare cost.  This country is in a heated debate, more like an argument, regarding the healthcare issue and its cost.  It is estimated that obesity is costing the healthcare system $150 billion a year (and that number is rising every year).  Our taxpayer money ‘soft’ at work to pay for this nation’s ‘Big Mac’ addiction.  It’s our right to eat whatever we want damn it, and when the shit hits the fan someone else better fix my fat ass.  God bless America.  The land of the free and home of the obese.

                I will be the first one to fight for our freedom to do whatever we want with our bodies.  However, that freedom comes at a cost.  That cost is responsibility.  We need to take responsibility for our decisions, and when those actions cost us harm we need to suck it up and either rub some dirt in it and deal with it, or break open our piggy bank and pay for our evil deeds.  Don’t place the burden on the rest of society. 

                So, if you need a four foot wide wheelchair, show some appreciation for the poor nurse who just blew out a disk in her back pushing your fat ass down the hallway, and slip her a hefty tip for the pain and suffering you caused her.  Trust me – after seeing the fat crack of your ass peaking out of your hospital gown she will never be the same.  Something like that stays with someone for a lifetime.    

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A Son for My Gun – Part III

            I have spent the last two blogs going back and forth on the gun control issue.  The truth is that there are justifiable arguments on both sides of the issue.  Gun control is so complex that there will be success stories as well as failures no matter what decisions are made. 

            The only thing I am certain of is that something has to change.  We need to start somewhere.  Small steps are how a democracy works.  For some any change is tough to bear, while for others slow progress is too difficult to witness.  However, change is usually only tolerable when taken slowly.  Twenty years ago smoking was the norm, but look at where we are now; how far our society has come, and few will argue that we are not better off for it.

            So, as we search for a common ground that can satisfy both gun advocates and anti-gun activists, we need to simultaneously focus on the larger issue that is killing Americans both with guns and without.  We are all dying by passing on a disease and the escalation in gun violence is a deadly symptom of the illness.

            I have been working in the ER for almost 15 years, and have witnessed this disease first hand.  I can tell you that it is getting worse.  Patients continuously flood the emergency room with non life threatening conditions.  When a person comes to an ER with a cough for 3 weeks and becomes upset about having to wait while patients with real life threatening conditions are taken care of first, then complains to administration, which triggers an administrative backlash against those trying their best to save other human beings’ lives, is to a much lesser degree the same illness that makes someone go on a shooting spree.  Some may argue otherwise, but it is the same problem.  An annoying cough that does nothing more than cause someone to stay awake at night is a sign of the same process within the body as the truly ill individual with life threatening pneumonia having difficulty breathing and coughing up thick, copious amounts of phlegm.  One is a progression of the other.

            Our society is deteriorating and it is progressing at an astounding rate.  The fairy tale stories we tell our children with their underlying lessons of morality are truly becoming fairy tales.  On the surface we teach our children to be honest, trustworthy, compassionate, and tolerant to others.  We encourage them to share and work hard, yet the true values we are passing on to the next generation are deceit, selfishness, greed and laziness.  We are culture inflicted with a sense of entitlement at the expense of everybody else.  Work ethics have all been forgotten.  Excuses have become our mottos.  Patience and tolerance of others is lost, and responsibility is a four letter word.

            When I began practicing medicine 15 years ago I rarely saw psychiatric conditions listed on patients’ medical records.  Today they top the charts.  People of all ages, ethnic groups and demographics are being diagnosed with mental illness.  They are being prescribed drugs to treat these ‘illnesses’ and are being absolved of responsibility for their behaviors.  I also believe that these medications are inhibiting people’s natural ability to cope with stress and heal themselves of what truly ails them. 

            The simple truth is that life is hard.  Few of us are born into privilege, and even those that are have trouble dealing with reality.  We all want to be rock stars, movie stars, sports heroes and not just multimillionaires, but billionaires.  However few of us are willing to do the work and take the risk to achieve success.  When we fail we are no longer able to cope with the left over reality and resort to drugs (legal or illicit) and simply make excuses for our failures.  We blame others for our shortcomings in life and in various ways lash back; unfortunately for some it is in the form of mass murder.

            Pain is a part of life.  It is natural, but our intolerance to experience any form of pain, whether it is physical or psychological is making us unable to cope and function effectively within a society.  Disappointment helps us appreciate our successes.  Our children are not being given the chance to experience this.  At my son’s science fair, everyone got a ribbon.  At my daughter’s gymnastics competition, everyone got a metal.  What is a contest if everyone wins?  In life, some people win but the majority lose. That is reality. Losing should encourage us to work harder. Simple as that.  No excuses. 

In order to stop killing ourselves we need to take some real medicine.  There is no pill to take.  This antidote tastes bad and it is hard to swallow.  It is humble pie covered in a bitter coating of ordinary and obscurity. I believe we need to stop making excuses, stop being politically correct, and stop worrying about what everyone else is doing.  We need to wake up to reality, even though it is not the fairy tale of our dreams.  Just because it is not what we hoped for doesn’t mean we can’t find happiness within it.  When we finally start facing our demons and beat them back to hell, then we will have peace on earth and live amongst each other with out killing one another.  This is not only the solution to gun control but it is the answer to everything from our failing economy to the drug war.

We need to ‘Suck it up!’ America.  Amen! 

If you want to hear more bitching on this topic you can find it in my book ‘MediSin’.  You will also be entertained by stories of various freaks that have presented to the ER.      

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A Son for My Gun – Part II

           The gun control issue has many faces.  It is a complex problem.  The positions taken by liberals who support the destruction of every gun in America and abolishing  the production of any additional firearms is just as closed-minded and dangerous as the far right conservative perspective that every American has the right under the constitution to own any form of firearm and display them for the entire world to see.  Both extremes have potentially dangerous consequences that could end in violence and the deaths of many innocent people, including recurrences of Sandy Hook. 

            If you support the idea of a complete ban of guns then you are being naïve and not accepting some harsh truths about our society and the boogie men that walk our streets.  That is not paranoia but an unfortunate fact.  Just as laws in the past did not stop people from drinking alcohol during prohibition or women getting illegal and dangerous abortions (all of whom were technically criminals in the eyes of the law at the time), the abolition of guns will not stop criminals from finding the means of arming themselves, while law abiding citizens will be left defenseless.  Such a law may deter an event like Sandy Hook or Columbine, but I believe it will enable more violence and criminal activity than it will stop.  Just as a patrol car will get everyone on the street to obey the speed limit, or even the sight of a uniformed police officer will prevent a crime from being committed, the understanding that an average citizen may have the means of defending themselves will deter many criminals from engaging in criminal activity.  A woman walking down the street alone has a larger criminal target audience than the same woman walking along side a man.  There is even additional deterrence if the guy is a giant at 6’7”.  Criminals are not irrational.  They are calculating individuals and want their booty with as little effort and risk as possible.  If the crook believes that there is a good chance that they could become the victim they simply look for an easier target.

            In addition, this fear of the all powerful assault rifle, with its ominous black outline and alien looking design, is misguided.  Reality is that the majority of gun related violence, including mass shootings, are carried out with handguns.  In fact, I was recently talking to a police officer friend and he admitted that if he wanted to commit such a heinous crime (hypothetically of course) he would chose a crowded area and start with a fully loaded pump action shotgun spraying over a hundred high velocity pellets into groups of people with only 7 shots, and then follow that up with two handguns.  He is certain that within a matter of a few minutes there would be over 50 people dead or seriously wounded.  That is a frightening thought.  

            On the other end of the debate, beliefs of the NRA and far right supporters who fear that we have to be prepared for the remote possibility of the evil empire suppressing and dictating helpless American citizens such as previous tyrannies (the Third Reich and Mussolini), is fear mongering ideation.  Is there a possibility of such a future for America?  Of course there is.  However, even without every one of us armed and dangerous, the likelihood of such a radical takeover is slim to none.  And that is also the truth.  Contrary to what radicals think and fear, the President of the United States, whether a democrat or republican; white, black or any shade in between; or a man or woman; is far from a dictator and the means of gaining such authority is nearly impossible.  The founding fathers established our government with the intent of preventing such a tyrannical government.  The President would have to re-write the constitution with the support of both divisions of congress and the judiciary branch.  The military would be called to turn their weapons on their own brothers and sisters.  In addition to the federal government there are 50 independent state governments with similar constitutions.  Each state has its own militia as does their individual cities.  It would be a mass undertaking, involving all levels of corruption, to successfully pull off such a coup. 

Reality is that such fearful ideology is an excuse for something that they want to have, not what they believe they need to have.  There is a difference.  And truth be told, even if we could have any weapon we wanted, unless we owned drone strike capability, F22 Raptors, Apache and Cobra attack helicopters, tanks, laser guided missiles and bunker busters to name a few, we would still be inadequately armed against a tyrannical government.  Unlimited freedom of the second amendment would not protect us. 

I apologize.  Once again, I have rambled too long to get to what I believe is the real issue that has to be solved to prevent additional tragedies like those in Connecticut, Texas and Colorado.  At the heart of the problem is a sickness that is plaguing our society.  It is a mental illness that is unweaving our social fabric resulting in antisocial behaviors.  These vary in severity such as someone’s impatience while they are waiting in an ER for a non life threatening sore throat, trampling people to death during a shopping frenzy, the need to post every bit of useless information about our lives on social media, our need to find happiness by buying ‘things’ with money we don’t have, a wall street predator who will con someone out of their life savings for a commission, our big banks and other corporate executives who expect to be paid millions in bonuses while failing their customers, and even going on a murderous killing spree victimizing innocent people including children.  These are all a symptom of the same disease that is slowly taking away our humanity and our ability to function as a society.

Part III coming soon. 

Buy Niam Hew's new book MediSin NOW!

Paperback & E-Book available at Amazon

E-Book also available at Smashwords (Kindle users visit Amazon.com)